Learning About My Audience

This week I talked to a friend of mine and her teenage daughter. It was a great conversation, though dotted with interruptions from my four-year old wanting her daughter to play. We talked a lot about what middle school was like for her being popular, but not part of the "ruling popular clique." She really opened my eyes to how different some aspects of the student's experiences are today from what I remember, but then how similar they are at the same time. You still have students that want to be revered for power and popularity, but now they have so many way to push around their "weight" without face to face confrontations, thus making them more bold. The Internet with places like My Space and the use of texting allow students to basically bully other with out the fear of being "seen" immediately by teachers or parents and also allows them to do it from a far. This expands the possibilities for far more bullying than was possible just ten years ago, throughout the day and night.

The boldness of the students also struck me as something that I didn't see when I was in a much larger school system many years ago. She spoke of times in the lunch room that one of the "ruling popular clique" would go up to one of the other students who had been picked out as a target, and begin yelling at her about some made up rumor that this person was suppose to be spreading about the "clique." The girl that I talked to felt that the reason that she had been left alone was simply because she was friends with a couple of the girls in the "ruling popular clique" but was glad not to be one of them. She could not believe how mean they could be, and at the end of middle grade was glad to go do a different high school than her current classmates and make new friends.

We also talked about what had interested her in reading. She had not liked to read as an elementary student, but that turned around during her upper elementary/middle school years. We talked about what had brought this change around. She said that she found books that were very emotionally moving, they were about subjects where people were experiencing major life changes and struggles, family members or friends with terminal illness, or deaths, that sort of thing. It was the emotional connection that she felt with characters and their story that really drew her in and had her coming back for more. Her mom said the books reminded her of books that she would read, but on her daughters level.

This made me think back to my experience with reading. I was a VERY reluctant reader early on in school, to the point of avoiding it at all cost. In Junior High (yes that is what it was called way back when I attended) my mother began to let me choose what ever books I wanted to read, and I began reading the Sweet Vally High books. I just could not get enough of those characters and their lives. They were so neat and unlike what I was (I was so shy and introverted). But when I really think about it the emotions of the characters, how they worked things out with one another, developed friendships, fell in love. Those were the things that kept me coming back and still do today.

These reluctant readers, including the one I see in my daughter, is why I am so passionate about writing. My ultimate goal is to help reluctant readers, fall in love with books, and the written stories. For them to experience the what true entertainment is through a book because it can live in your mind for months, years and sometimes the really good ones a life time. I have books that although I have read them several times already, I will never get rid of them, because I know I will want to read them again and again. In the entertainment world movies are what seem to get all the attention, but they can only entertain you for an hour and a half to two hours or so and compared to how a book can touch a reader the movie only scrapes the surface. If you don't understand what I mean, watch a movie that is based on a book, then read the book. No matter how good the cast, director or producer there are elements that just can't be portrayed like a book can impart. I would rather have a good book ANYDAY instead of an excellent movie.

If I could write just one book that could change the way one reluctant reader looks at reading, I would feel like the successful author that I want to be. This is why I am wanting to get to know this precious age group who are trying to figure out who they are, what their place is in the world, and how to fit in with the rest of their peers. The better understanding I can have of them, the better hope I can have of being able to reach them through my writing.

Trying to Refocus

To begin with I should say that I am back at home and although my grandmother is still in the hospital, all indications are that she is firmly on the road to recovery. She is such a strong woman that I cannot imagine a world without her. At times I believe I have fooled myself into thinking that because of the distance between our homes, when she is called to heaven I will not be as effected as those living closer. The scare this past week and the extended emotional fog I find myself in is proving just how wrong that thinking was.

Although I look at myself as mostly an outgoing person, I find myself feeling helpless and wanting to draw into my emotional shell like a turtle closing out the entire world. I find the only thing that gives me great comfort are times that I am getting to talk to Grandma on the phone, or connecting to my family at the hospital for information, or emailing my cousin Rena who has been the other information lifeline through this ordeal. How I am torn between the need to be here caring for my children (though when my husband is home I am doing a pitiful job of it and will have to put forth a concentrated effort when he goes back to work tomorrow) and longing to be back at the hospital so that I can see first hand how she is doing: her color, facial expressions, how she is eating and hearing for myself what the doctors are saying.

Have I always been this controlling? And what will it be like when, dread of all dreads, it is one of my own parents? Will I not be able to balance anything at all? Will Jeff become a single parent during that time? This ordeal has brought out an aspect of myself that I had not fully realized existed and I am not sure just what I should do about it. I have always felt that I could handle whatever situation arose through my faith and the support of my family and friends. I am not saying that I do not feel that way now. The first thing I did was to turn to prayer and call close friends to ask for additional prayers. I do give all the credit of Grandma beating these odds to God's interventions. I never expected this emotional backlash of withdrawal. I really have always thought of myself as more of an emotional purger than an emotional hoarder.

I guess in some aspects just simply writing about this here is getting the feelings out in the open, but it is this fog that I find myself in that is so confusing. I can't quite put my finger on the true feelings that I have floating within me to even give them a voice. Is this what is confusing me so much? Also it is the withdrawal from the family unit here at the house that bothers me. My wonderful husband has not complained, but I really have been quite reclusive since returning home and must almost make myself join into family times that usually are very precious to me. As I write this my husband and son are watching a movie in the living room and I just heard Thomas my son say, "I wish mama were in here with us." Talk about breaking my heart. How horrible a mom have I become. He has no understanding of what I am going through. Of that small fact, I am thankful.

This has been about it for my writing, what very little of it there has been. Maybe if I just force myself to go through the motions everything will work themselves out. I don't know what else to try. I can't go back to VA just now and would that really help? At some point I would have to come back. Hopefully, as Grandma gets stronger and my mind settles down, I will be able to refocus and get back to my version of normal.

Riding the Roller Coaster with Grandma

Life can be such a roller coaster ride. That is the best way I can describe the last 48 hours of my life. Almost exactly 48 hours ago (Monday night) I received a call that my Grandmother who is 91 years-young, had been rushed to the ER with excruciating pain and only vague responsiveness. I was then up for a majority of the night checking e-mails for any new news and discussing with my husband possible scenarios and how we should respond.
By the next morning, it had been determined that she had a urinary tract infection, and IV antibiotics had been started, so things seemed to be better (7 hours away from me). My mother and I were already discussing driving up, but Mom thought we could wait until the next morning (Wed.). Then at 11:00am we received a call that she was being moved to CCU due to rising fever and dropping blood pressure. HALT LIFE! GRAB WHAT YOU CAN! GET IN THE CAR AND GO! I picked up Mom, then my aunt and we headed for VA receiving snippets along the way at first not so encouraging: possible sepsis, kidney function not what it should, pain worsening. Why does it have to be so far to get there!?!
Then came the call around 3:00pm that she was doing a little better, talking like herself, not in as much pain, blood pressure stabilizing. The three of us breathed a collective sigh of relief, not realizing we had been breathing shallowly up to that point. By the time we reached the hospital, grandma was doing better, but they had done an MRI and pinpointed that there was also an abscess in her hip and now it was time to WAIT again for the doctor to tell us what this means. Can it aspirated with a needle? Will it need surgery? Is she strong enough for surgery?
Waiting for the morning seemed like forever. Althoug we were tired, sleep would not come. The conversations ranged from what had happened to family members with similar situations in the past to what if the doctor ask what measures do we go to if complications arise during an operation. I didn't know if my heart would beat out of my chest or stop all together listening to these conversations. I know MENTALLY that 91 years is a long life, but that does not mean that I or anyone else is ready for her to leave us. We pray that is not GOD's plan for her yet.
Finally the Doctor comes to talk to just the one representative (per CCU policy). So the rest of us WAIT again until the information is relayed. There is no other option if she is to have a chance, they must operate to fully clean out the infection that has set up in her hip. YES it is risky for a 91 year-old and YES it is even more risky because she does have sepsis, but without this there is no possibility of recovery. THERE IS NO OTHER CHOICE. Even Grandma agrees and says, "Let's do it NOW. I've have two hip replacements, and I've never had pain this bad in my life." So we pray and we will have to WAIT. Will she make it? Is she strong enough? No one wants to say out loud that the odds are not great, or even think it. We all get to go back to tell her we love her before they take her to the O.R., and though no one let's a tear fall in the room, each eye brims, and voice pitch raises just slightly.
Now we must WAIT FOR THE LONGEST TIME YET. They say the procedure will take two to three hours, but it seems to stretch for days, the hands of he clock seeming to slow to near motionlessness. Then at the two hour mark the call comes that she has done okay and they just have to close, then the doctor will be out to talk to us. We are all at the edge of our seats with each foot step that nears the waiting room doors. The hands of the clock seem to speed up at first to normal pace, then with increasing speed. As the time continues to pass with no doctor, our minds begin to wonder, has something gone wrong? Why would he not come? What would be keeping him? We ask the attendant and although she is trying to reassure us that sometimes it takes a while to "close" she acknowledges that she too has been watching that clock move much too fast. Finally, after such confusion and worry the doctor appears and ALL is well. RELIEF!! They have gotten all the infection and expect her to have no more trouble from the hip. We still have to deal with the sepsis, but she is SOOO much better than two days ago and fighting so hard.
We get to go back and see her once she is settled back in CCU and she says that she feels great, like she hasn't even had surgery. Her vitals are great. She is talking, smiling, and laughing and just like her old self, as if she were just setting in her kitchen. I even heard she had mentioned to someone that she was ready to go home. :) That's my Grandma. Hopefully this roller coaster ride is over with only the smooth ending into the loading house to get off. We need Grandma for a while longer.

Getting Determined

Today I was reading Shelli's post at Market My Words where she interviewed Laini Taylor (Author of Dreamdark series). It was a great interview, but for me it led to an even greater find at Laini's blog Grow Wings -- the Journal of Laini Taylor . In one of her previous post (March 1, 2009 determination vs. confidence) she talks about a friends who although is very talented has yet to finish a novel, due her self-doubt. As of yet I can not speak to the degree of my talent, but I saw myself in the description of her friend. The questions that haunt then stop me from continuing to work on one project through completion; then I to move to another only to repeat the process. How will I ever know how good I am if I do not finish the first rough draft?

The blog had such great wisdom and words of encouragement, I felt as if she had been speaking directly to me. It was exactly what I needed, at this stage of my writing to get me going again. She went on to say that it is not confidence that allows a writer to see a project through to the end, but the determination to finish it. I might not have the confidence at this stage, but determination is one thing I usually am not lacking. I love the way she put it, "You don't have to believe in yourself all the time...You just have to be stubborn and keep on and keep on." As many will atest, stubborness is a quality I have. So as her words say, I will "keep on" until the book is done with out being sidetracked. The book as been mulling around in my head, but I have not been setting down to get it "on paper" or for me into the computer.

I have left comments for both Shelli and Laini, but I wonder if they realize how much of an effect their writings have had on me today. I wish there was a better way to show my appreciation to them.

If you get a chance, read there blogs. They are great and you can get to both of them through my blog list on the left side. I think you will like what you find. The wisdom they impart can be applied in many fields and situations in life.

Finding a Balance

Okay so I have not gotten back for a while, but I am planning to post daily (that's the plan). Being a mother, wife, PTO volunteer, and pre-published writer I am struggling to find the right balance and still feel like I am not neglecting anything. If you have ever reached this state (of total balance) please let me know as I will let you know if I do.
This past week I feel that I have primarily been a mom and PTO volunteer. Both of the roles I dearly love, but I have neglected the writer in me. At my daughter's school, we just wrapped up our boxtops submission and competition, so there were rewards to distribute, parties to host and great "snowball fights" in the gym for the winners. This was definitely the best contest we have had for the kids. We (PTO) are also in the process of redoing the teachers lounge (delayed Christmas present) and I have been on the hunt for fabric samples, and snapshots of decorating items to take back to our meeting. I then was the one who got to go and make the purchases. Who does not love getting to redo a room with someone else's money? I can not wait to see the lounge be transformed over spring break.
We are also in full swing with softball and T-ball practices to go along with piano and swim lessons. Mom's Taxi service at your service :). The kids are loving it though. Taylor is doing a great job in her third season and Thomas is having a ball. It is quite fun watching Thomas trying to grasp the concept of taking turns (at batting) and that you must learn other skills besides batting. He will do great if we can just keep him ON the field (when not batting).
This coming week, I am going to the local middle school to talk to the assistant principal about volunteering one day a week with their students to learn more about the young people who will be my future readers. What their interest are, how they speak (will I ever learn to read and write text?) and how they feel about the world around them. I am so excited about this opportunity. It also lets me see the school that my daughter is only 3 years away from attending. I can't believe she is growing so fast.
So with so many wonderful things to do with your time just how do you find balance? How do you parents who work do it? What are some of your tips and tricks. Is it a scheduling issue? Or are your children just better behaved. I feel that I am just reentering the work world, but without having a boss to answer to or a time clock to punch in and out of, I find myself putting my writing on the back burner. I definitely have enough hobbies without making writing another one. I am so passionate about writing, but feel like I have to get all my other "boring" (housework) done first. How do I let myself do what I want to when it doesn't necessary feel like work? I will contemplate this and let you know what I come up with. Let me know what you think.

Home Again

Hello to all,

I have arrived home safely through snow and rain, but with not trouble. I am so thrilled and excited with all I have learned and the friends I have made at the Spring Mingle. I can't wait to sit down and begin writing. Also I am toying with ideas of how to most effectively volunteer in the local middle school to created a win-win situation to help them and learn more about my audience. If you have any ideas for me please let me know. Right now my main thought is to walk in to the office and ask where could I be of assistance and still observe students interaction, so not necessarily study hall :). I would even kind of like to start some sort of writing group with them to give back to the community. I have my K-8 teaching degree, so with a look at standards, I am qualified.

I was also looking at the blog of Shelli Johannes-Wells who spoke at the conference and recommended blogging. Her blog is of course AWESOME so I may try to imitate some of the things she has done like including blips about projects I am working on for people to comment on so please keep checking back.

Tina

Excited to Write

This is my first post to my new blog. I am setting this up to keep up with all the things that go on in my busy life and hopefully to help in my writing pursuits.

I am now at a writing conference in Atlanta, GA and learning more than I could have imagined. I am so excited about writing and pursuing my dream of publishing a book. In many ways I feel like I am further along in the process than I had originally thought, but in other ways I realize there is still so much to learn. Of course, that is always how life is. No matter how much we know there is always at least that much more to discover. How exciting it is.

The conference has given me a renewed enthusiasm for returning to my original book idea, and to work on completing the first draft. I have also learned about doing market research, setting up a web page, and how to submit my manuscript once it is ready. I am just blown away with all the knowledge swimming around in my head. I am also going to be looking for a critique group, even if online. I do hope I am able to find one soon.

I will try to keep everyone up to date on how things are going with the process here, so check back often. Also leave me your thoughts and ideas. I am writing for middle graders and young adults. I don't have a particular genre within those realms yet; I'm still finding my style. Any ideas would be great. This conference has even opened me up to the possibility to writing children's books, maybe historical biography would be fun. Okay the teacher in me comes out. ;)

Good night to all.
Tina